The Bride...

The alarm is ringing, its 18.00. I have no choice but to wake up from my afternoon siesta. I needed this sleep as its a late night show and the last thing I want is to feel sleepy at work. Should I give myself the luxury for an extra 15 minutes on bed??? Hmm, maybe yes. Its not everyday that I have such a sweet sleep, especially after the Slovenian turmoil in office.

Or maybe not! AS i open my eyes, I can see the foggy weather outside and it makes me want to curl inside the quilt more but then I suddenly feel amiss in my room. Oh ok, its the table lamp which has gone off. All of a sudden the entire place looks all dull and devoid of life. Maybe I should get up now. Not appreciating this change in my life, I decide to have the luxury of a hot water shower.

Water does rejuvenate me and now its tea time. After preparing an extra strong milk tea, I head towards the small make believe temple that I have in my apartment. After the usual complaints and new developments I inform God, I receite the new mantra that ammama has taught me. Its for good compatibilty between me and my fiancee. Hmm not fiancee yet, still a long 5 months to go.

Mom dad is extremely happy these days. And what more can I ask for? Of course they will be happy. Their only daughter is getting married. All that they can think of is the engagement, wedding, jewels, sari and what not. Especially mummy, I am sure for her own wedding she was not this excited. Well well, mom was telling me that by this week the hall for the engagement needs to be booked and I have not heard anything about it. Maybe i must mail them now and ask. Must also remind them to book and keep the beautician. I want to look special on my engagement :) :)

I am not saying because I made it, but the tea is lovely and what more possibly can I ask for in life.

... and I sign into my gmail account. Four mails and yeah I have a mail from home.

Subj: Confidential report received...

As it takes time to open, my eyes go past the lovely table lamp and suddenly I realise how dull my room is and yes the mail says...

I again look at the table lamp. It was not just the room that has gone dark, its my life too! Mom dad has found some earthy shaking facts about the person whom I was promised to be given away in marriage and now they are againt this match.

The tea has gone cold. It must about 4-5 times since I read the same mail again and again. The last line asks me, what do suggest we must do?

I had known once what it was to be heart broken and now I feel the pain again. I didnt know I was beginning to like him. But why did I feel hurt? I look out and its foggy. I walk up to the balcony and the mist makes me wet on my exposed skin. The cold is biting right into my soul but I am able to take it.

I wanted to be a bride adorned in red with my neck shining in yellow. I wanted the fragrance of the jasmine flowers from my hair to spread all around. I wanted to lead a simple life as somebody's woman. And now I stand here, all by myself with no clue as to what is next in life. All these days I have been looking forward for May 16th 2010 and now I fear as each second passes.

Frantic calls from home to make sure that I am okay. I dont want to cry on the phone that will take away their ease and give them sleepless nights until they see me next. I wish to burst out in tears, I wish to scream and complain. I wish I had never tried to be the son they wanted and be myself.

Its been close to 8 hours since I received that mail but the pain is still 8 minutes fresh. Soon the sun will rise and a new day.

As each moment passes I will have to accept the fact that I am no longer the Bride I was longing to be...